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Broken RelationshipsDivorceToxic Relationships

Break Free From the Relationships that Have Broken You

By November 1, 2017 August 1st, 2018 79 Comments

There I was…lying in bed, balled up in the fetal position and crying my eyeballs out. He had hurt me to my core and yet, I couldn’t stop “accidentally” calling him. I couldn’t stop replaying all of the lies, all of the cheating and all of the times he’d hurt me over and over in my head. I couldn’t stop trying to figure out what I had done to deserve a pain like this, or what I could have done differently to prevent this undoing of me.

I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop tossing and turning. And on the days that I’d almost succeeded in “forgetting” him, my phone would ring and I’d quietly hope it was him. I couldn’t stop wanting him to finally SEE me and LOVE me. But the more I tried to “get him” to love me, the more rejected I felt. The more I tried to seek closure from our break-up, the more broken I became.

My testimony didn’t begin with the heartbreak from the man described above. It began with the rejection of my biological father. Being born to a man who considered them a mistake has a way of “hindering” a someone in romantic relationships. Everything I grew to know about love was of a “works-based” mentality that forced me to believe, If I did__________ (insert any and everything I could imagine to get his attention), then my father would SEE me and LOVE me. And guess what? The more I tried to “get him” to love me, the more rejected I felt. Every relationship I had, including the one with my faith and God, was poisoned by the idea that I wasn’t good enough. So I had to work harder.

I grew up in church but even there I felt like I had to maintain a certain approval rating to be accepted. What they did not approve of was counseling or anything that required me to seek help outside of the Bible, or them. Counseling and therapy was for people who didn’t know God. Period. So when I struggled with brokenness and defeat, and prayer wasn’t working, I felt like I wasn’t good enough or I wasn’t doing enough. I attended all the revivals, alter-calls and healing services that I could but I was still suffering. Not to say that miracles don’t happen or that others can’t be delivered through these venues, but that wasn’t my experience.

In all fairness, it’s important to point out that when I had initially begun to seek healing, I wasn’t being totally honest with God. I would go up for prayer and seek healing for the man who was hurting me, but not FOR me. I wanted God to stop my hurting by forcing this man to treat me right so that we could live happily ever after. However, that’s not how healing works and, thankfully, that’s not how God works either.

Through the Soul-Ties Detox process, God wanted to show me myself. Not just my reflection in the mirror, but the condition of my heart. I didn’t just end up in toxic relationships, I was shaped in them. It wasn’t enough to just identify and remove myself from those who hurt me in relationships. I had to understand why I desired love from people who would never love me the way I deserved. So I detoxed using the same process that many are going through today.

The Official Soul-Ties Detox Book is the FIRST of its kind, 5-Week program that will take you on a practical yet spiritual journey of recovery from broken or toxic relationships. What you may have seen about Soul-Ties in the past, is that people addressed your emotional (intangible) hurt using motivation, inspiration and spiritualization, while totally ignoring the person’s wounds and the CAUSE of them. As a result, we walked away from those motivational moments FEELING good, but it only lasted a moment.

The Official Soul-Ties Detox is different because has been designed to address the long-term spiritual and practical needs of a person’s emotional healing Journey. We pay close attention to God’s purposeful design of you, the tangible (what we can see and touch), as well as the intangible (what we cannot see and touch). Then we give both the tangible and intangible their due attention by providing an actual process of rescue, recovery and rehabilitation.


The Soul-Ties® Detox Course is Back!

Spend 8-Weeks with us as we personally guide you through our authentic program that helps you begin the process of healing after devastating divorces, break-ups and toxic/abusive relationships.

Pre-Register Today!

Registration Officially Opens Fall 2018!

Author tmartin

More posts by tmartin

Join the discussion 79 Comments

  • Margaret Battle says:

    This is what i really deeply need right now I’ve been in my toxic relationship now for almost 17 years

  • I want to be loved, been heartbroken so much until I was accepting it, but mine all started back when I was a little Gurl being molested by two family members.

  • Angela Smith says:

    How do i get started

  • Demetra says:

    Yes Lord I need to purchase

  • LaTanya Jones says:

    I so can relate to this sounds like you’re telling my life story! JESUS!

  • Dee dee says:

    I would like to see if you are willing to e mail or inbox me i have a few questions that i dont want everyone to see please??? Help

  • Sharon Jordan says:

    This is just how I feel,

  • Deena says:

    It’s hard to break away from but once you do you are a brand new happy person. I hurt so much during the relationship that in the end my pain was gone. I just walked off and never looked back

  • Trenna Butler says:

    Am so broken am n love with a man n we go back n forth but he’s not wat God wants me to have n I really love him we have been together since we were 13 n 15 we work together when I tell God I Ned healing I think he ignores me

  • Faye says:

    My husband has walked out on me yet again. He says he’s tired of me doing for my grand children. Just he seems jealous of my family. I can’t bring myself to ever give this marriage another try. The hurt is very real & I’m just done. Heart broken in Virginia. 🙁

  • Damien says:

    I’m in a situation, and I’m a man. Will this help man as well. I figured I always loved emotional unstable women because I was never taught how to be there for a woman emotionally. I always seen my mother being mis treated by my step father, so I said I would never do a woman like how my step dad did my mother. But it seems like, the women I get involve with, don’t know how to appreciate me. I don’t cheat, and I don’t know allot, especially about being there emotionally, but the one thing I do know how to do, and that Love unconditionally. I know how to treat people and love hard. But love, is not enough.

  • Justine Hudson says:

    Right now I fell unwanted but when in the mirror and talk to her myself I know I am not going to but with body to say I have a man I love that person more than anything to hart me a been thought so much now i speak my mind i have to take back my life think about me first

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    God doesn’t ignore you.
    A wound cannot heal if it continues to be reopened.
    Only when it is isolated, cleaned and treated can healing begin.

    With that said, Trenna, you have to choose to leave this man alone. Get out of the environment that continues to wound you. Then begin the healing process.

    Let him go… all the way

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    Is there no room for counseling?

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    Damnien, this book can definitely help an man as well as a woman get beyond toxic connections to persons of the past. As that happens, there is an internal cleansing so that the mistakes of the past aren’t repeated in the future.

    Now with regards to cyclical relationships, it can help but we’d also recommend to follow up with counseling. Perhaps there is something in you that seeks to rescue your mother by treating women in your romantic life better. That tendency to rescue requires you to intuitively seek the unstable and the in trouble. This keeps them perpetually in dysfunction and highly toxic to you.

    You deserve better, but you’ll have to learn to choose better. It’s more than a notion though. Consider the book, but also consider counseling.

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    Justine it hurts when the person who is never supposed to hurt us, does so.
    When we give our hearts and they take it for granted.
    When they abuse us, we are stunned into disbelief and even blame ourselves sometimes.

    We understand and yes, you’ll need to get into survival mode.
    A man who is not willing to love you and protect you, even from himself is not a man worthy of you.

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    The best way to begin, Angela, is with the book

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    Natasha, have you sought an counseling?

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    That constant toxicity is debilitating.
    You’ll need to make some very hard choices.
    Have you considered counseling?

  • Melissa Miles says:

    Well I am dealing with someone who has started believing the lies of the anti-Christ spirit.. so he has been researching the Quran…. now I’m so stuck.. do I continue tending to my garden.. or do I walk away and pray that the seeds I planted take root…

  • Jennifer says:

    I don’t even know where to begin. I’m stuck in a real bad soul tie. I have been in different bad soul ties my whole life. This one is by far the worst emotional and mental abuse I have ever gone through because he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. He is borderline sociopath and I can’t get rid of him. We separate and I start to begin to heal and let go and then he manipulates his way back in. Right now we are back involved after I swore to myself I was not going to go through it again. I was doing good for a month and I was reading self-help books on how to release this toxic relationship but to no avail, we are back together again. I dont’ feel the same. We aren’t the same. We haven’t been since he cheated. I feel it in my gut there is so much going on and he denies it but I feel it. He denies me in public and puts me down by comparing me and then gets mad when I’m not this confident woman as I should be because I’m jealous or hating because he is constantly bringing other women in my face. I don’t want to live like this anymore. But it is hard to let go when we are not arguing and nothing is wrong on the surface. I don’t know what to do anymore. Feeling so lost, confused, hurt, depressed. I dont’ want my daughter seeing me this way so I always hide my emotions around her. The thoughts in my mind make it a struggle daily to be who I want to be.

  • Kay says:

    All of this sounds like me and what I’ve been through. A year ago i met a wonderful man of God. I like him a lot but i often let my things ofcthe past creep in. I know I’m healing but not totally yet. I don’t want to miss out on this blessing. It feels like a once in a lifetime blessing.I’m trying really hardxto leave my past behind me.

  • Tonya says:

    I really need this book like asap….i am so hurt, lost and feel like a fool behind a man I thought loves me. I just don’t understand how he can come to me in the most caring way, hold my hand look me in the eyes and tell me how much he loves me, and he will never hurt me again, but turn around and do the same thing all over. Each time I believed he was sincere and that the hurt and crying was finally over. But each time it was worse and I feel like I have been piling on pain after pain after pain. I have walked away, stopped answering phone calls, everything. He still finds a way to suck he right back in. HELP!!!

  • Tonya says:

    He loves to use reverse psychology to make it appear to be me and the reasons for all of this is because I give him no reason to trust me. I am a good women with two teenage kids. I work a full time job and take care of them. Other than that I have no life outside of work and home. The other day he had not called me to about two days. I am in the store with my son shopping for baseball uniforms. He is also in the store. When I went up to him he says the reason he had not called, is because I don’t call him and if I can go long with out picking up the phone then I am showing him that I don’t care. I just feel like the fort needs to come from him cause I am not the I e taking him through things

  • Yolanda Harris says:

    I find myself in bad relationship because I was rejected by my father and I never really know what real love felt lije or looked coming from a man so I fell in love with man that waljed away from me. Now I am a stable relationship and I find myself pushing him away in fear of him leaving me. I tried of this unhealthy cycle in my life.

  • Kelly says:

    I keep hanging on to a relationship where I’m being told by him that he loves me, and he wants me and needs his family, but at the same time he has cheated more than once with his other kids mother. I know I need and deserve better but I can’t let go. Even when I do break things off it hurt me so bad I find myself texting or calling him about the smallest stuff just to see if he going to respond, how quick he’s going to respond and what his response will be. I feel like because we have been together for so many years he cares about me but I know he can’t love me because it seems hard for him to be faithful to me. Why is it so hard to let go??? What am I hanging on to? What is it about me, because I went through a similar situation with the guy before him. Do you think he does it because I told him about my previous relationship? I’m so lost.

  • Mary says:

    I have been in love with a man for 8 months. Things were going well. We had a big argument but we talked it out & things were ok. A week later he told me he needed space & removed himself from my life. For weeks i tried to gain clarity but he won’t talk to me. I started to believe it was me or that there is another woman. I’m trying so hard to let go & move on. Instead of him ending the relationship it’s like he left the door open just in case & all j do is think about it day & night. I feel horrible because I love him so much & I’m afraid he’s gone forever. But at the same time if he loved me like he said he did, he wouldn’t do this to me. He would tell me what’s going on.

  • Ladybug says:

    I would like to know how could someone be in a marriage for 18 years have cheated several times and even left for about 4months and went back but say its something they had to go back but the body is there but there mind and heart is not ,and they tell you there in love with you and they thought they wouldn’t have fell in love with another women besides there wife but they have.

  • Erika says:

    #Amen! ?

  • Gods gift says:

    Help, it hurts! Been with a man 6 years. But, he didn’t do right by me at all. He cheated time after time. Went through a phase where I was tires and give up. He begged and begged to come back. And I stood on ground and kept saying NO! But, now he’s found someone and I’m torn to pieces. I believe it’s because we still have had encounters and he still claims he love me. Basically dealing with us both. But, love doesn’t hurt!! Where do I go from here. Hurt!!!

  • jeannie L brown says:

    Yes im so confused about why i attract these type of people

  • Ariell cobbs says:

    I’m to the point to where I’m lost and confused,,, every argument ends with him saying I know u, and I would never put myself in a positions to lose and it stays that way. I end up making g amends and it’s swept under the rug. I give advice to better himself but he’d rather take it from othersand when it’s said and done or have come to pass and bite us both in the ass his stress becomes mine and he never admits maybe I shud have listened to you. I’m pregnant and he hopes it a girl so I can show his ex how to keep a girl up….. Don’t it sound like he’s in competition with her. He gave up a car to help with bills and not be broke but then I had to get up earlier to bring him to work,, but when child support strtd talk g the same amount then he’d hand me the card with the rest he had left and said I know u got my back tho…. It’s a lot more that has happened since 2012 but I prayed and cried to the Lord how can I be with a man who has a limit to what I can talk about this isn’t my best friend this was a relationship built on lust. How can I give you a down payment on a car and see the car ten he’s later after u get it and we stay together, how can I give u money let u stay in an apt we we’re suppose to move in and let u sleep over daily while u pay ur bro half rent as a bk up apt how can I bail u out of jail pregnant with ur son and u disappear three days later How did I and why then we soerated for almost two yes and the girl he dated was his exs friend, he said she was a bounce back chic he used since the ex talked smack about him but I’m tryna figure out why she said they dated for nine months and we’ve been seoerated for eight n half an ,,why wud he care after we’d been together for almost four yrs…. I did it cause I feel sorry for him and my son asks daily… I’ve never felt so low and lost but it’s like he’s mad and jealous of me because I have an apt paid off car and good job… I need the strength I need you Jesus,,,, he’s textn me as we speak. He said I shud be omw to get him no matter what he say. I’m here pregnant stressed with two other kids and I have to come run behind you for u to. Believe I love you,,,, no sir, Step 1

  • Shironda says:

    Its hard when kids are evolved it even harder when you a Christian trying to not divorce because you know GOD hates divorce or the fear of him doing better with someone and blaming yourself cause it was something you didn’t do more of. When drug abuse is the root of the evil and he not financailly supportive buy you don’t want to be an enabler . When you don’t trust him anymore and all you have that’s keeping you there is potential ir gope that GOD will turn it aroound and sex. I’m confused and need help.

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    Jennifer you’re going to have to make a clear cut decisive choice.

    Just because swore to yourself doesn’t mean you make a choice. People manipulate us by offering us what we desire. You have to come to a conclusion that you desire nothing… NO THING from this man.

    Because there is abuse there, we do not take that lightly even with intangible abuse, because it can escalate. So take time to visit http://www.thehotline.org/ when you get an opportunity

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    Tonya, you have to stop talk to him.

    You say that he constantly sucks you back in, but in order to do that there needs to be a crack in the door. So stop opening the door.

    When you cut him off, how long is it? Is it in anger? Is it out of frustration? What happens when the emotion dissipates? (all rhetorical questions)

    The point is that you have to walk away without wanting anything in return.
    He can lie to you because you want to believe him
    He can manipulate you because there is still something that you want from him.

    So be honest about that… then finally come to a conclusion that there is nothing he can do for you…

    You have to disconnect from him in a way that makes him a ghost. He must no longer exist to you (metaphorically speaking… )

  • Kenyon Martin says:


    Here’s the issue. You let him dictate the terms of the relationship and now you’re waiting for him to bring you closure. You’ve allowed him to walk you into a limbo of fear, hurt and abandonment.

    So what you do… is let go of the need for closure.. let go of the need for explanation
    Know you love him but do so understanding that this is not how you’re to be loved.
    Take control and you walk away from him and this relationship.

    Take 90 days to 6 months totally absolutely cut off and away and do not look back.

  • Kenyon Martin says:

    Shironda you have several issues of false justification that keeps you in a bad place.
    Let us help.

    1. Children
    Yes Children being involved complicates matters financially and due to what you want them to experience as a family. However allowing them to watch you suffer and to watch him abuse drugs, you or both serves to create an unhealthy norm that they will reproduce in their own lives. By maintaining this “norm” for them, you show them that it is ok and livable even if it is not emotionally survivable.

    2. God Hates Divorce. –
    This statement is incomplete. As I said above regarding the source of that scripture in Malachi 2, God hates divorce when divorce is cruel, but God also allows divorce when marriage is cruel.
    You are far more important than an institution. Would God rather you be in a good healthy marriage? YES… however would he sacrifice your personal health and wellbeing to maintain the ordinance… NO! (this is something that we discuss deeply in our book)
    God doesn’t hate divorce, God hates cruelty to his children

    3. Him Doing Better
    To be Frank, that is your own selfish mechanism Shironda… in a sense. So you’re saying that you’d rather enable his addiction and keep this unhealthy norm than to see him helped? How is that love? How is that loving him, how is that loving yourself and how is that loving the children?
    However let’s take this One step further… this is important.

    Do you want to know why you feel this way?
    Because You will feel like if he left you and did better that you failed. You will carry accountability for his actions.
    So You’re not being selfish in the classic sense, you’re being selfish in the sense protecting your personal worth and value.

    We get it.
    Listen… His choices are His
    That means He owns them and Not you


    Enabling Him so that he does not become better without you, is not only manipulative…
    but if he is to be delivered, he will be delivered… regardless
    He got here without you
    He can get out of it without you

    You must understand that it is without you.

    You are only participating in his choice… it’s still his choice.
    But to participate is to help enable him.. you’re an accomplice to his choice.
    Don’t enable him to keep him near you.
    You cannot hold him hostage to your insecurity
    You cannot allow yourself to be at fault for his choices, which causes your insecurity.

    Your goal has to be for you to do better, not only for your own personal mental and emotional health but for your children.

    We recommend highly Marriage and Family Therapy with a Licensed practitioner alone with NA Counseling. IF he doesn’t go, you go and as you go prepare a safe exit.

  • Makelia says:

    This is exactly my story too, Mary!

  • Rita Tennon says:

    Hello! I’m so blessed to have seen this site. I’m Queen of abusive relationship and a bad marriage from the day I said I do. I’m wanting to write a book on my life of bad relationship and More. I’m ready because I know that it’s going to open doors that I’ve closed with a thousand of locks that is going to make me rain tears of joy. I don’t have a problem telling about my past life just need a lil help getting started. I’d rather get a text then a phone call I don’t answer unknown numbers, scammers calls, private calls, their blocked from my phone my number is 9034215815

  • Christal says:

    Your story hit home for me, I’ve never had a dad and I haven’t allowed God to be my father I’ve never had, i am on my healing journey now, I’ve had so many toxic relationships, where I could’ve left but wanted to stay out of fear of being alone, being rejected, i wanted to be loved and cared about, i wanted the person I was with to love me and like me just as much as I did them even when it costed me my peace. Thank you so much for sharing your story it truly touched me.

  • Javonne Carl says:

    Was with a man for 14yrs until he left and didnt come back then seven months later he wants to come back against my better judgement I say Im gonna restart and he has been coming up with all kind of excuses so Im making a decision to exit because that is not what I want. I want a king that loves and wants me that wont make excuses or do nonsense like a adult juvenile it hurt and its hard and I no I have the strength in my mind n heart keep saying just wait but I dont see someone that truly wants n love u doing that

  • Stine says:

    I felt rejected by my father also. Even though on the surface it couldn’t quite be explained WHY I felt that way, I did.
    I went through a period of trying to get him to accept me. Even though the whole time he seemed mystified by my behavior.
    I saw my mom and dad often, even though I was being raised by my paternal grandmother.
    Flash forward 48years: I have lost my oldest son to violence, I am divorced, I am miserable. I decide that if I don’t get up and move, not even God can save me. I had a visit from a spirit that so terrified me I hadn’t slept in weeks. I am financially just messed up…to put it delicately. I am seeing a therapist who wants to admit me to the hospital; my family is dysfunctional as all hell. I decide I must move out of my home state or I will die. The God I know and love is a distant memory. So I move. Not long afterwards, I lose the one person who had loved me unconditionally for over 32 years– my ex-husband’s aunt. My world is so tilted. A year passes and I lose my dad. For years that unexpressed hurt has been suppressed and somehow during that visit home for the funeral it comes up. My mom tells me the reason my grandmother raised me is because when I visited her and she returned me, I would fall out in the floor screaming bloody murder. I still don’t know why I did what I did, but I do wish that someone had told me why I was living with my granny.
    I cannot imagine anything my mom or dad would have done to make me act like that and I don’t believe there was anything. My mom expressed that my dad was deeply hurt that I lived with my grandma, but he wanted me to be happy. I believe that decision hurt ALL of us. And I am positive they both regretted it. So much hurt, so much underlying resentment. But….I know my parents did the best they could and I thank the Lord that a part of me was mature enough to understand that. ASK.SEEK. The only reason therapy didn’t help was because I didn’t have the courage to ask my mom or dad why I lived with my grandma. If I had, who knows what might have happened. Moving took me out of my comfort zone and forced me to mature and become the independent woman I needed to be for that phase of my life. But most importantly, I began to hear God like I never had before. It wasn’t until I read several inspirational works that I truly sat down in prayer and surrender. It was HARD. But I believe that if I had not moved, I would be dead or non-functional right now.

    Step out of your comfort zone. If you have a hard question, find the strength to ask it.
    Listen to God when he talks and don’t pretend you didn’t hear him.
    I know from personal experience, that even when you express reservations He listens. He is an indulgent Father and wants what’s best for us. He will tell you if your therapy, etc. isn’t working.

    so how did I avoid a bunch of dysfunctional relationships: I didn’t. But I LEARNED from them. How did I survive? I made it a point not to indulge in casual sex or to flirt in casual relationships. That helped to eliminate a whole lot of would be headaches. ijs. As a result – I can honestly state that the damage done has been minimal in retrospect. But we are talking about what is important to ME. Casual sex for me is a no-no, but trust and believe me, over these years I have had other “crutches”. Know thyself and be willing to be honest about who you are.

  • Hurt In Louisiana-Peach says:

    Wow, it appears I’m late but I just came across this on FB. Honestly it sounds like a lot of us have been there. I opened the post because right now, I’m so heartbroken. I feel like the shattered pieces of my heart has shattered. I secretly think it’s my fault this happened to me. My dad to never loved me, he made a conscious choice to just not be there for me, lived 10 minutes from me my whole life, had a wife and daughter. He wanted me to be a big sister to his daughter he had with his wife but not my dad too, or better yet him being my dad was contingent on rather or not I was her big sister. How do you make a 16-17 yr old be someone’s big sister, I had sisters with my mom. They were my little sisters. For years I couldn’t be her sister because I was hurt. I thought God had healed me from the pain I felt concerning my dad and I chucked it up to not really caring, that it was his lose. Eventually I was able to form a relationship with my sister. She really is amazing. We are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to men because of our father. She doesn’t trust them because dad always cheated and I look for love that dad refused to give me. I thought I had gotten delivered from that! Nope. I was married and I left him because I got married out of lonely. I bumped into my high school sweetie and it seemed we picked up right where we left. (There is a whole book there) We talked about what broke us up and he apologized because it was his fault, right! We were good for 2.5 years… I had finally let myself love. I had finally thought it was ok to open myself to love to give myself totally. I had never did that. At 30 I never really loved back. I just was there. I never trusted truly, but with him I thought I could. And when things started to get rocky I tried and gave and did until I ran out of things to do to keep him happy. And even when I asked him about cheating he said no, I could never prove it but I felt deep inside he was lying. So I tried harder, I cried and prayed and tried and nothing seemed to make it better. Then I blamed myself, I accused God of not loving me. I said it was something I did. or God didn’t want me to have real happiness. I tried talking to other guys to stop the pain. I felt like if I could ignore it, I could forget it happened, but that didn’t work either because I still thought about him and tried to figure out why this person feel this for me that he couldn’t or wouldn’t. Right now- I have cried and prayed and fasted and I feel the same. I hear all the cliche’s about you’re great and you don’t need him and he doesn’t deserve you. But nothing seems to matter or make me feel better. My friends have tried encouraging me. Honestly I have a lot I should be happy about. But my heart is just broken because the one time I allowed my mind and my heart to believe a happy ever after was gonna happen to me. It crushed me! So, I’m willing to try this book and the process because this pain, this fetal position crying and sadness is too much for anyone. I have a life and I want to live it to it’s fullest!

  • Toni says:

    My life story… Lord, I’ve got to make a change.

  • Suprina Speller says:

    Wow… I must have this book… In hopes of finally bring free! All my life there has been pain, rejection, confusion, chaos, dysfunction. My mom and dad separated when I was very young and I was reared by my then stepfather. He abused me physically and emotionally. When I was reintroduced to my biological father, he was a full blown drug addict. Men sexually abused me as a child… No penetration that I can remember, just fondling and kissing. Every man I’ve ever loved hurt and betrayed me. Toxic relationships are all I’ve ever known. Since my last break up, I’ve decided to just turn and walk away. Loneliness hurts! Nearly, all my exes try to come back but I remind myself of what caused me to walk away. I need help, I’ll be the first to admit. Because I do have a bad habit of being manipulated right back into the madness… because a part of me feels like that’s all I deserve.

  • Stacy says:

    I’m in tears as I try and write this. This I my second negative soul tie relationship. The first one I married. This current man I think is bipolar he says he luvs me then wen I don’t act the way he wants or say things the way he want he goes ok do u I’m leaving. Then he text me all nite baby I miss u. He always says I’m arguing or coming down on him ,that’s not true. Then he’s always throwing the well go be with that other man u bn talking to wen I hvnt bn talking to anyone. I’m a woman of god plus I just had hip replacement surgery and be in ICU for blood clots and hv two more surgeries. But my point is he’s VERY insecure and jealous saying I hv too many male friends. I hv 7 brothers and I’ve NVR disrespected him or me. Sad to say I luv him but I’m tired of ALLOWING him to come back but then throw me away again plz pray for me and help me. At 46 will I ever find true luv??

  • Maxine says:

    I’m going through this right now!! It hurts…I left church for two months…mad at God and anyone around me that is/was happy in their relationship. I had to come to the terms that he just was not ever going to love me as I loved him…now the healing starts.

  • Jackie says:

    I’m seeking help and I need a miracle. I was in an abusive relationship both physical and verbal for 15 years. It ended seven months after I had my second child with this man. The only reason it ended was because he had a child with my next door neighbor. Our children are fourteen days apart. Throughout my pregnancy he hit me and argued about everything. When I found out about his indiscretion I broke down. It’s now five years later and he has been in and out of my life. I recently discovered he has been sleeping with not only the other woman still but she had contracted some bacterial disease. He has also been sleeping with other women as well. I was so mad that he would put my life in danger. When i learned of this i asked him how could he put my life in danger.Apart of me keeps praying that he would change and the other part knows the truth. I need help. I need cleansing and prayers. I need to move from my place. The place I have worked so hard for.

  • Jasmine says:

    My ex walked out on me for the second time. Well really the 3rd because he kept coming and going at the beginning of our relationship. We have a 10 year age difference. After 3 years of back and forth, he is gone again. You would think I would get tired. I don’t contact him. But he contacts me every 3-5 days about a little of anything. So my heart keeps being tugged. He walked away. why can’t he just go away. Why does he continue to call? How can I break this tie. He doesn’t want me, but yet won’t go away.

  • Lisa says:

    Girl me too, over 20. Although I haven’t moved on, I’ve let go

  • Glenis says:

    Is this program only for people who have been broken from being that n toxic relationships with the opposite sex?

  • T.G.R says:

    I’ve been told that I’m “too nurturing and too giving” that’s why my relationships never work and that I can’t help and fix everybody. I always end up frustrated and hurt because “he” doesn’t appreciate me. I know my issues stem from my biological father who walked out on his young wife and child. Although my step father was there and is the best dad ever, it still bothers me that my bio is still doing the same things all these years later. If he can’t love me why should anyone else. I’ve had counseling and been told that I’m co-dependent ?

  • Alicia says:

    In a soul tie 18 years with a married man. We were together 2 years before i found out he was married. I was going through rejection with my father because i had a baby young and this guy “made me smile”. I met his kids. Then he told his wife about me and she even ask me to pick up the kids from school.(crazy) He has help pay for college and even help me buy my home (his wifes idea-crazy) Now it has hit me hard i wnat out. I want a real relationship. I no longer long for him or love him but i cant stop talking to him. The more i try the more “klingy” he becomes…i dont know where to start. I pray and cry and confess and plead but i feel like it is so long i am stuck.

  • Christa wilson says:

    I’m in a toxic marriage I can’t seem to let go this men mentally abuse me with his words I just need God to give me the strength to walk away why is it so hard..I know I need to leave but became comfortable with being damage why…

  • Mo says:

    This is my life literally right now as we speak… I feel stuck because we have children, we live together until lease is up in a year… I want to renew my heart, but it is hard, because he is still around. Can’t afford to stay in my home without him so stuck for at least a year.

  • Karla says:

    How do you know when your in a toxic relationship?

  • Teresa W says:

    I fell madly in love with a man and we sort of rescued each other from not the best relationships. I thought he was my “soul mate” we married and it was great and I was extremely happy for a while and then it is like all of the sudden he he flipped the script worse than I have ever witnessed in my life. He begin to find it so easy to belittle me ,talk down to me, call me so many names and be the cruelest of anyone I have ever know in my life. He would call me everything under the sun accuse me of stuff “crazy off the wall stuff” and I would be dazed, blindsided like where in the world is this coming from.. He became extremely abusive I mean very dangerous, like he had no limits and the more I try to talk to him or calm him down, the worse he gets and it is Always my fault and then he plays head games that literally drives me crazy. It is making me crazy!! And he is always quick to point out how “I ” am doing but this has never been me. I feel like I am going insane. With all his hiding things from me, beating on me and treating me like a dog, you would think I could let him go.. But he has this pull like you could never imagine.. I can’t explain it.. And just when I think I can be done he will be sweet for just a little bit and I think maybe he sees, maybe he has changed or will change, and it only gets worse.. He has already ripped my heart out on so many ways, but at this point I am afraid he may kill me, literally, but yet, I love him and can’t cut ties… Why ? I am not a dumb person.. I see it but can’t let go.. Broken hearted

  • Judy says:

    Hello,. well my story is i never in my life dated a toxic man until 6 years ago its sad i never ever let a men do what this man has done to me & tell doing its like i dont even know him for real..i am scard of him how to i get out i dont love him anymore. he really thinks its okay to verbal ABUSE me he has cheated, lied broken my car’s threaten me and come to find out every other girl that he has been with has restraining orders against him he’s always angry and when I try to leave him he parks at my house he comes to my job he literally harasses me it’s sad to say but I am really scared of him I don’t live with him he has his place to have mines he’s constantly accusing me of cheating that I’m with somebody and all this other stuff I’m too old to be dealing with drama and nonsense…i have told him i dont love i really think he gets a trill out of this I find myself working 14 or 15 hours a day so I can avoid him and I have noticed I think he’s really bipolar he’s one way he shows people something that he is not he tries to make his self out to be something that he is not but behind closed doors he’s somebody different I’m sorry I’m putting this out there just don’t know anymore

  • Latunya says:

    Wooow! All of these stories wrapped in one my heart ached as I read them all. I feel the pain of each of you as well as encouragement as a person who love God and realize that God loves me and you even more which gives me and us confirmation that Trusting God and his Plan for Us All! Let’s Pray for each others Strength and Courage to say No More! What God has for us is More and Better. God Bless You All!

  • Ready to be free.... says:

    I just left the guy I was in a toxic relationship with. Everyday I fight to keep from calling and texting him to ask to talk things over…I fight to keep from sleeping with him….I fight everyday to keep myself from thinking about all of the events that occured during our relationship. I love him is true…and want to still believe he loves me too….I’m become anxious at the thought of going to familiar places…places we would go together…to be with or talk to the friends we have together…I’ve been to counseling already but when I got better and moved on…I reentered into our relationship thinking he had changed…and yet again…he has not…and I’m left holding the emotional baggage left the breakup this time…because he hadn’t changed…he was still cheating, lying and manpulating….I wanted to believe so badly that he loved me…doing all I could to get him to see me and love me just as you wrote above…realizing that all though I’d been to therapy, I’d still never dealt with the issues that caused me to want to be with someone like him…see it wasn’t my dad that rejected me…it was my grandmother…I remember doing all I could to feel loved by her but nothing was ever good enough….when I did feel loved by her, it was only temporary….once the day had changed….it was back to the rejection….I’m brokenhearted and an emotional wreck…my only hope is in Jesus, that He will heal my heart….but I know I have some work to do too…I felt so alone before reading your story…. #readytobefree in the New Orleans area.

  • Vonceil Nelson says:

    I have also and mines is so complicated

  • Katrina says:

    I need a breakthrough from toxic relationships. Being treated poorly and accepting it.

  • Reyna Turner says:

    My Life Story OmG

  • Lynn H. says:

    Wow this is powerful I would so benefit from this book because I too have had there share of heartbreak and failed relationships but the only difference is I am with someone now who treats me and my children very good he is a really good man with a beautiful heart❤ although we have our moments here and there but we don’t fight we talk things out I really thank God for him?

  • Roberta says:

    I’ve been married for 21 yrs. We both made many mistakes throughout the marriage. There were many signs that the relationship was not right. I felt that if i left he would do something to hurt himself, and it would be on my conscience so i stayed. The trust wasn’t there because he was deceptive even to the point of trying to break me mentally. His family has great influence on him and they thought i was there for gain. Even when we had fights i would call them instead of the police. We have 4 kids together. With all the cheating and fighting…the final straw was when i was falsely arrested for harassment of one of the women he was involved with. We met in high school and got married at the age of 20. Sept 2016 God gave me the grace to walk out after my oldest daughter left for college. My other 3 kids are boys and they wanted to stay with there father because they wanted to be with the video games. Even though ive left the home…im being told that it is as if ive never left because he still controls me. We are not divorced because i feel that he should give me one and im still being hurt through it all. No longer physical but emotionally. Is that considered to be a soultie or just outcome of married life ?

  • Michelle says:

    I’m currently in the process of a divorce after being married for over 25 years. During those years there was a lot of hurt, which left a lot of scars. Unfortunately, the hurt of the past makes it extremely difficult for you to move forward and trust anyone else. This man I had been casually introduced to a few years ago, we started to engage in conversations. This led to us spending time together. Sometimes it was difficult due to our schedules. We became very close and feelings were growing. Then came time when we would make plans and something else would come up. If there was a holiday he would say that they were having events that were for family only. I had met his sister and brother, but not his children. When I would question this he would say his girls’ were very protective of him. My response was you have met everyone that is near and dear to me. He had met both of my children and my grandson and all seem to like him. I always had an open invitation to visit him until one day I had some time available and told him I was coming to visit. He was adamant about me not coming, but I insisted. After the phone conversation in reference to this, the texting started. It ended with him saying that basically I was making something out of nothing, and he couldn’t do it any more. I was hurt and in disbelief about what had just happened. My gut instinct told me it was more to it. That was a long weekend without any communication from him, and I refused to call him. That Monday he called and we talked and got pass this incident. Few weeks later everything had been going good and his child’s mother shows up at my home. She said a lot of things to include that lived together, he never denied or agreed to anything that was being said. This shook me to my core, and it felt as if someone had ripped my heart out. Needless to say after all this I still Loved him, and still desired him. I was happy with him in spite of the issues. He said that he was only there for the child, which I know from personal experience that is not a healthy for anyone involved. He insisted that he loved me, still wanted to be with me and he would have this situation resolved by the time we are to attend this event that is special to me. I sent him a text and basically told him that I didn’t want him to attend the event with me to fulfill a final obligation before ending things. I told him he didn’t have to continue to lie about getting the situation straight for us to be together. I told him I know my worth as a woman and that I deserve to have someone in my life who knows my worth, as well as someone who loves and respects me. I’ve not received a response to this day, nor a call. It hurts, and I still love and want him. I know that my God didn’t deliver from all those years of hurt and pain, just to endure more of the same.

  • Fannie says:

    Hi Kenyon, I’m in a relationship that’s off and on and this is my story. He is a very sensitive guy only towards his feelings. He takes things very seriously, and to me, he seems demanding and insecure. He say he believes in God but thinks a woman suppose to walk behind him and not beside him, according to the scripture. We are in a long distance relationship which he states this is his first long distance relationship. He is very clingy and wants to talk by phone several hours a day if we are not together. I’m not clingy at all and this bothers me. He 50 years old, never had any kids but I have two 18 and 20 who stills lives with me. So he don’t understand the time needed outside our relationship with them. At times when he calls and I don’t answer the phone maybe because I’m out or didn’t hear it ring, the first thought in his mind is that I don’t want to talk to him or he says I guess you want your “me time” away from me, he says. He always try and think for me, with thoughts that’s totally not true about what I’m thinking. And I get tried of trying to convince him that’s not what I’m thinking. He always say he can read me like a book but unfortunately his book is totally out of my character. We argue a lot lately, and he hangs up the phone during our arguments. We are off again, not talking and I’m so tried of this on again off again relationship. I have no interest in getting back with him if he decides to reconnect. I just want to get myself together and heal. Do you have any advice for me about this type relationship? Because I never experience being with anyone like this before and I been in several ones…

  • Kimberly says:

    I can relate to all this, I went back with my ex after 20yrs. It was a complete disaster, I felt that after 20yrs things would have changed wrong, it took 5months, now I’m back picking up the pieces. I differently need to read the book because, I deserve better

  • Lisa says:

    Wow!!! Was up early responding to a text i sent my “friend’s” brother months ago about this same topic. His brother says he has loved me since elementary snd wants a life with me, but he has caused so much damage. The lies, cheating, and etc is too much. Each time i end it and move on he comes back. The mental abuse just gets worse and worse. I am an educationed, smart, saved woman and still this is my path. 4 weeks ago he called me a stupid B#$%# because I wouldnt let him barrow my credit card to rent a car to drive to Texas. I still wake up hearing him call me that… what bothers me more now so than anything is when he arguing at me I black out and see and hear others from my past uttering the same hateful words to me. I come to and i feel broken and lost. Last week he came over and while watching television he kept poking me hard. I explained it was too hard and said i always complain and continued. I finally got aggressive and removed his finger, which caused him to his open hand and swipe the back of my head. He was laughing, but for me there were tears and a desire to clean the floor with him. It not until I am in tears and hurting that he stops….then he wants to talk, pray, dream…but lately it has left me feeling like i dont wonna be here, empty, lost…. i know how to love, but i keep attracting narcissistic, psychopaths…tired…. I ve fasted, prayed, counseled, walked away, read my word and still this… they say just be alone… i ve been alone all my life…I desire and deserve love

  • Country says:

    I’ve been married for 15 years my wife think I cheated but I didn’t. That was her excuse gor her to start. Along with her girls that been cheating on there husbands. I still want my marriage to work but I gave it to God. He is the only one to fix this if it is his will.

  • Brown1Pecan says:

    Your story is sounds like mine.

  • Jaymi says:

    I’m also in a marriage that has suffered cheating…lying..drinking excessively fighting as a result…no respect or love or want to be with my children..I adored his and his grand babies..but they cut us out of their lives when we got married or at least that’s what I was told….I have zero trust for him with reason..he got involved with another woman when we spilt up before our marriage.. Only because she doesn’t do what I do for him…anyhow… I have personal issues in that any relationship I’ve ever been in the girl after me is still married to or with the man..I feel like I’m a warm up girl for the real thing…I bought I was the real thing for my husband but no matter what I do its never enough… We are trying books and he claims to go to counseling which the counselor says I need to forget and forgive the past and quit bringing it up..but he still talks to these women…so its not the past…my question is what is wrong with me that I don’t find happiness and love?? Am I the problem?

  • Tabitha Williams says:

    Sounds like I need this book. I have been in a relationship for 21 yrs. over the past 2 yrs the husband up and leaves like a cycle every 3 mths. We finally divorced and I moved to Texas to attend Bishop TD Jakes and start a new life. My daughter and I were doing well. I let him come thinking it was a new place and things would be different. Well he up and left again this past Wednesday and my daughter took it extra hard this time to point of suicide attempt with pills friday night but God was merciful!! I am devastated once again. I know this is a toxic pattern and I have to let go and move on and let God take care of him but it’s sooooo hard to just forget about him, wonder what he is doing and forget him and move on!! I know I have gifts and callings and God has better but I just can’t seem to break free. Will order book today.

  • K. Rodgers says:

    Reading your story is like reading about myself. I’m currently in a emotionally toxic relationship and also in counseling. I took was and felt very abandoned by my father. He was absent majority of my life. Now, the man I’m involved with has been in my life for seven years, and I feel as though there’s no progress. I’m so tired of the lies and cheating….
    I will start this healing journey today.
    Thank you

  • Robin says:

    I am a lesbian women who also been in bad relatrelationships with the cheating lieing does this helps us as well

  • Robin says:

    I am a lesbian women does this helps us as well.. I been in relationships I said I would never put myself in again… the cheating the lieing etc

  • Alisha says:

    Im in a toxic relationship but both of my parents been with me. Usually i could just walk away in my past relationships but this one here is like a stronghold in my life. I see every disrespect action he does. Im hurting right now and still feel like i cant let him go.

  • Kellee Johnson says:

    What do u think made u stay so long