“I did it again…I Let Him Back In…”

Dear Ken & Taccara, I told him that I was done and I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall for his lies again. I had nearly completed the book and I was on my way to freedom. And then when I least expected it, he was nice, gentle, kind and everything I wished he was before. For a good week, we were “US” again. But when I tried to ask him about our future or what would change THIS time that would guarantee he wouldn’t hurt me again? He changed…again. Suddenly I was a monster, a cheater, a liar and a manipulator. Suddenly I was no longer worth fighting for…again. And now all I can do is be disappointed with myself because I did it again…I let him back in…and it hurts.

Let’s lay this on the table- Disappointment is warranted and it serves two purposes:

  1. It’s an “ouch’ that helps you to identify and remember where pain is located. His general area is the location of your external problem. He is no good for you and too you. The fact that you identified it a little quicker is a plus in our book.
  2. Self disappointment is a powerful sign of you being accountable. You are taking charge and leading the response. When you’re disappointed in yourself, it shows that you expect so much more from yourself and that is a good thing. That’s a strength that will continue to grow. So being disappointed is OK in our book.

It’s important to remember that this is a Process.
 It’s still not good for you to be alone – You are still built for relationship and you have the propensity to respond to what you desire. That response will be more reflexive when it is mixed with that latent hope that still exists within you regarding someone who you are already familiar with. Familiarity makes it easy to move into something that you are made to desire. He baited the hook with the lure of change that was sparked by your hope.

However, here is where you might you have missed it:

Hope.

In most cases, there exists a small piece of hope that the other person will get some “act right.” Some folks are reading this book and going through the program right now while still praying for God to get that person right so they can live happily ever after.

Let us keep this 100% real. It is HARD to let go-especially in the face of starting over, being alone, not wanting to face your peers with the reality of your broken relationship…or simply because you still love them.

He was able to manipulate the one small shadow of a thing that you were still hanging on to. You just stuck it in the corner like a kid on detention, rather than expelling it all together. He manipulated your hope.

This Tells Us Three Things:

  1. He knows Exactly what you need to be Happy AND Safe.
  2. He’s either incapable or refuses to provide you with what you need to be Happy and Safe.
  3. You now KNOW that, without a Shadow of a Doubt, he is not in a postition to give you what you need.

When the Children of Israel were preparing to be delivered from Egypt, the plagues  weren’t just for the Pharaoh. The plagues made believers out of non-believers as well as affirmed the faith of those “on the fence” of their belief.

So Dear… Be a believer in the “Plague” he is and get off the fence.

Let this be the awesome opportunity that you’ve been gifted with to actually fully let go. Let God handle him. You just run forward and don’t look back.