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Broken RelationshipsToxic Relationships

It’s Not Fair But, In Order to Learn to Live Without Them, Parts of You Must Die…

By July 12, 2017 June 8th, 2018 8 Comments

They hurt us and helped themselves at our expense. They made life hell, and oppressed us until we were made to move. They made the relationship unbearable and it wasn’t until the breaking of the relationship that we realized all that we invested in it, and all we were losing as a result.

For Israel, the Wilderness was an escape route both physically and mentally. Being physically in the wilderness, showed them that they were no longer physically in bondage. However, it took years in the wilderness in order to rid them of the mentality of where they had been–Slavery. Bondage. Captive. Parts of Israel had to LITERALLY die and a new generation be raised just to enter the Promised Land.

To be honest, they missed Egypt. The food, the certainty, the comfort, the land, the investments, and even the false gods…. they would have been happy if they didn’t HAVE to leave.

However, if they never would have left, they would have never become who God created them to be. They would never know God… They would never know themselves as a Nation…They would never know their strength and power… They would have no other identity except that which was forced on them.

Like Israel, parts of you must die in order for you to move forward. You can only kill those parts with your choices. A cognizant, conscious and consistent daily effort to let it go.

But HOW?!? We’re Glad You Asked:

  1. Acknowledge that their decisions do not define you. Rejection hurts and we think there is something wrong with us. We take their rejection as a statement and we receive it since we already feel like we failed. Rejection is NOT who you are. Rejection is what they DID.  Their Rejection displayed their inability and unwillingness to love you. Their rejection was their blindness to your value.
  2.  Face who you became. For them, You became someone who pulled out all the stops in order to get things right in your relationship. GOOD FOR YOU! HOWEVER, that was not only exhausting, but it can be a habitual focus. Having a focus gives us purpose and drive. When healing your broken relationship became a focus, it became your purpose and drive.That drive can linger. For them, Your drive WAS to fight for the relationship. Now you must fight for YOU.  You must be driven to be mentally and emotionally free of them and the hopes that you had in them. This takes conscious and consistent effort.
  3. Accept that the investment is gone. You have to cut your losses. It’s hard but it’s the only way to come to the realization that you’re looking back at a barren wasteland. There is nothing there for you.

It may be distasteful where you are. It’s emotionally uncomfortable, it’s angering and it hurts… but it will pass… it’s simply a wilderness of sorts… There is nothing behind you but your breakthrough is in front of you.

Every Action that you take towards those three steps above will help you. Understanding helps open our eyes, action and motion is what makes it real.  You’re going to have to be dogmatic about it. You’re going to have to power through it.  You’re going to have to take action daily.
God parted the Red Sea, but Israel had to walk through it… this will be a cooperative effort on your part. Hard, but worth it.

Author tmartin

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Join the discussion 8 Comments

  • Kia Johnson says:

    I so needed to see this!!!!!

  • Alex says:

    This spoke volumes to me. I recently found out the father of my children had been living a double life. He was working out of town in Atlanta and while there he was developing another relationship with someone else in the same city as me. He took money from our household to wine and dine her. He moved in with her and her three kids. And left me and our three kids to fend for ourselves. For 13 years I had been nothing but loyal and supportive. And the sad part I found out the day before Mother’s Day. I’m so devastated. I’m hurt and angry. How could someone just walk away from their family without a second thought? A Single parent wasn’t part of my plan. My mom was a single parent, his mom was a single parent and now here I am suffering the same fate. I’ve cried almost everyday since then. I’ve prayed, prayed and prayed. I’ve read anything that could help me understand why this was happening, motivational passages and so on. However, this particular article I saw myself. I just don’t know how to begin. I tried therapy. I tired of feeling empty. I’m tired of the emotions. I hate that this happened, but I know there’s nothing I can do about. It’s like I’m living in the hurt and pain. This person wasn’t supposed to hurt me. I was the one who would come keep you company even when your lights were off. He posted pictures of him and her all over his Facebook page. He took her out to several places, but he never poured that same effort into me. And I’m the one who has always been there. I don’t know if I’m ready for this journey. I’m so hurt and devastated.

  • Shawn Taylor says:

    Wow! Help me Lord!

  • Jae says:

    I have read a lot of articles dealing with my narcissist relationship¡ An all so so helpful!! It’s the beginning of me trying to let go of the hurt an pain an the exception that he chooses others over me when I gave my heart An soul!! But this article here was remarkable!! An very much motivation for me. Any time wen I’m feeling down an hurt because of him I will resort back to this article!! An thank a friend for sending it to me who’s trying to encourage me alone the way!! This the hardest an biggest pill I ever had to swallow in my entire life,, when u give someone your everything an they treat you like u meant nothing!! I wasted. All most 5yrs of my life on him to accomplish nothing but heartbreak!! Thank you so so much!! I will always refer back to this.. an one day when I finally become a overcomer , I will like to share an help other people like yourself!! Thank you!! God bless!!

  • Latricia Williams says:

    I’m getting ready to go through a divorce, and I’ve been looking for something to help me get over the hump. The hump meaning, understanding that I’m making the right decision, and I should not feel bad about my decision. Breaking this soul tie has been very difficult and I’ve been looking for tips to help me, which have been unsuccessful. Until reading your article. This has help me tremendously. Thank you.

  • Niko says:

    AWESOME read. Thanks the heavy encouragement!!

  • CLB says:

    I know what you are feeling after 18 years of marriage and 22 total he asked for a divorce . He wouldn’t file for it but I recently found out like you that he moved another woman and her 3 kids in with him but has turned his back on his own 3. It hurt and for the first 3 months after he left I was beyond hurt. But I asked God to show me what to do and give me some peace and he did just that. It is now 7 months later and he still hasn’t filed the divorce so I did and was that an eye opener. However I learned my true strength through all of this. My therapist told me take the number of years you’ve been married and divide it by 2 and that is when the marriage was over. As I look back now 9 years ago is when he asked for a divorce the first time . Hold your head up and walk proudly into your future God has a plan for you and it will get better cause I did.

  • Tara says:

    I’m so tired of begin in this state of failed relationship over and over again the pain is to much to bear and my heart this time is hurting