This week on the Soul-Ties Podcast, we are answering another explosive letter from our DMs where a woman, devastated after a break-up feels she can’t move on until she gets closure!
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Dear Ken & Taccara,
I was referred to your podcast by one of my friends and I am hoping you can help me.
So My ex and I were together for a little over a year. We met online and it was long distance because he was Military. Even at a distance I felt the connection because I was there for him when he felt really alone at times. Over a few months we got to know each other pretty well because all we could do was—TALK. We talked about everything. our lives, our upbringing, and our pasts. I learned that he had a pretty tough childhood and he thought it would scare me away, but his honesty made me fall in love with him even more. The fact that he trusted me made me open to trusting him.
As soon as he got home from deployment, we finally saw each other and it was a done deal, we were together. He was great and took care of me and made me feel really special. We began to make plans together for the future. To me that didn’t just mean knowing him, it was knowing his family, But he would never talk about his family. I mean, I introduced him to my family… everybody, my mom sisters…friends… That’s normal right? So I thought he was being weird, but he insisted that his family was distant and they didn’t have a good relationship…AND he didn’t even have friends that were close enough to come visit…I know, I know that was a red flag… but still I loved him and I was planning my Life with him.
So One day I did it, I went through his phone when he was in the shower. I know it was wrong but I couldn’t help it. Part of me was just hoping he was sharing me to his family or a friend…even a military buddy…the other part of me was just looking for what’s really going on.
I didn’t see nothing about any family I thought I’d see…Oh I saw some family and I saw some friends BUT NOT WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR.
I saw different women asking him “when are you coming back?” OR “not sure if you’ll see this since you’re deployed but…then a naked pic” all these texts from different women… But then I saw a message from a little girl asking “daddy, what day do you come back again? “” and he told her February for her birthday… the same month he told me he was being deployed again… I’m sitting here planning my life with a man who I just found out has a whole family, fiancée, daughter, all of that.
Yall My world was shattered but I was praying that it was just a big mistake or big misunderstanding. I confronted him about it. He got so angry like I did it. He started throwing things and telling me that I was insecure and disrespectful. He told me I was needy, he felt sorry for me… He blamed me for him being with me… Like I made him do that.
After that He changed, he got cold. I had no idea who this man was. He wasn’t the same guy who I was messaging and texting. And I was torn into pieces! He moved out and I haven’t heard from him. My heart hurts from what he did to me… and this will sound dumb BUT I miss him… I need to know why he chose me…hell maybe why didn’t he choose me…. idk
It’s been 8 months. I’ve tried searching for him online. I’ve tried calling people I knew he was deployed with (they won’t answer my calls) and I should’ve kept those numbers I saw… But I was too shook…. I honestly don’t even have enough information about who he really is.
I just keep searching for answers AND HIM because this just CAN’T be how it all ends. I know the relationship is over, but I can’t seem to move on until I get closure.