Soul-Ties: No Matter How Many Times He Hurts Me, I Keep Going Back

On this episode of the Soul-Ties Podcast, we are answering a letter from a young woman who has been deeply hurt by someone, but she keeps going back. We’ve posted the letter below.

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  1. Soul-Ties: No Matter How Many Times He Hurts Me, I Keep Going Back Kenyon + Taccara Martin

Dear Ken and Taccara,

I am SOOO excited to have met ya’ll at woman evolve! You have no idea of how ON TIME this was…Thank you for your openness…

I picked up your detox box and book because I was hoping it would help. I know we talked a little there but I want to give some details.

I can honestly say that I keep going back to someone who hurts me over and over again.

He’s a “man of God” and, when we first started dating, he said I was everything he was looking for in a wife. And I have to admit that he had me right there at hello.

I jumped full-speed into preparing to be his wife and began to make all of the changes and compromises for US… .
We spent all of our time together, began making all sorts of plans for our future and EVERYONE of my friends that met him REALLY loved him. He was amazing.

About 5 months in, I started seeing some changes in the way he acted towards me. He stopped spending as much time with me, saying he’s gotten busy. It felt like I came at the end of whatever else he was focused on… an after thought or when he had spare time for me.

Every time I asked him if we were good, he  would say “yeah” and that he loved me. But it was still off.

Ok.…I’m going to hurry this up… One morning, I think it was a Sunday somewhere around 3am I got a call. Not a text, not an amber alert an actual call.. I thought somebody had died…don’t nobody in their right mind call like that unless they dead or in jail… But it wasn’t. It was a woman who said she’d seen my number in her man’s phone and she was trying to figure out if this was what it FELT like… I asked her who her man was and sure enough, it was the same guy I’m dating. They had been together for 3 months.

So I confronted him about it… He didn’t even try to hide it. He was up front and said that he was “talking” to this woman. But he wouldn’t be if not for me… Like what?

He said that after a few months with me, he noticed things about me that weren’t exactly what he’d consider “wife material”…and this is After he called me his whole wife from Jump? When I asked him what he meant? He said I don’t support him enough. I don’t give him the attention he needs, and he wasn’t sure if I would ever change. And….because he questioned me, he was TEMPTED by other women.

I know this makes me sound stupid ya’ll, but I didn’t break up with him.
I tried harder to please him. I tried to be what he said I wasn’t.
I really believed that I wasn’t doing enough.

It’s been 2 years and he’s still saying that I’m not doing enough AND during this time he’s cheated at least 2 more times. And each time, I get mad, say I’m done…leave . And then he finds his way back in either by guilting me or romancing me…both have their way of working. SOOO  That’s why I purchased your book.

I’m ready for this CYCLE to be over. I’ll start reading… but I wanted to get some of your insight too. Is there something wrong with me. Why can’t I let go, or when I think I do…how does he keep making me feel like he did when we FIRST met! I love him. I admit it. But I don’t think he will ever give me what I deserve.

What do I do?!? I want to be free, but I keep going back