You’re Not a Bad Person for Saying, “No” to a Good Guy

She was high class and certainly out of his league and he knew it.  He was nice looking for sure, but that’s all that he had for now.  He carried himself in a way like he was going to be somebody.  She saw that in him. No matter how “worlds apart” they were, she just couldn’t deny his “on top of the world” swagger.

He was a driven man. He did whatever he needed to do to get what he wanted. He knew one day he was going to own his own business even if he didn’t know what it was yet.  He knew that he would beat the odds and do something great for his mother, his God, his family name and himself.  He knew that some how, some way success would be his, but not before he had her on his arm to share in the success.

He was willing to do whatever it took to get what he wanted and what he wanted was her. He saw in her what he needed to rule the world. He saw in her the fuel to push him to the next level. He saw in her the emotional means to pursuit. She was high class, but he was high  in heart.  He knew, even if she didn’t know, that he was for her and she for him. So, he mustered all of the courage he could and walked over to her and said “Hello”

That’s how it starts.  That’s how all the fairytales start.  An unrefined rough around the edges man, meets a woman with style, poise who knows what she wants until he comes along.  She’s convinced that she was wrong about what she thought she wanted, he gets her and they live Happily Ever After…

We’ve seen this narrative time and time again in the  movies, books, or poem.  These narratives are a part of the how we’ve been trained to dismiss our intuition and desires and give “a good man” a chance. A good man, with a good heart who doesn’t have it all together, should be good enough. Regardless of all the reasons that a woman has to reject him, against all odds, and her reasoning the man should be afforded the opportunity to WIN THE GIRL.

These stories, our culture and even our fears have taught us two things:

  1. A Man HAS A RIGHT to a Chance
  2. A Man HAS A RIGHT to a Chance
  3. A WOMAN Has NO RIGHT to say “NO MAN!!!!”

Most men mean well and as such they don’t get how media, culture, tradition, society etc. has given them privilege of imposition upon another human being.  While he innocently imposes, she is questioned.

  • Who is she, to reject a good man?
  • Who is she to want something or someone else?
  • Who is she to say “NO MAN!!!”

This is actually the crisis we face today among women dating. When we counsel women, there is this ever present fear of saying “NO “. Yes the issue CAN exist for men, but in a great majority of cases it doesn’t.  By and far the fear of saying “NO” is uniquely a feminine issue.

Now to be clear it’s not the male’s fault. In many cases the prohibition on “No” isn’t forced. Most women have been made to feel that saying “NO” makes them unreasonable, unrealistic and unattractive. Women have been convinced that they must make room for potential, or be swallowed up by a myriad of fears that they’re secretly harboring.

  • “What if I’m missing a blessing?”
  • “What if He is the one?”
  • “What if I’m being unreasonable?”
  • “What if my standards are too high?”
  • “What if I’m being superficial?”
  • “What if, what I want doesn’t exist?”
  • “What if I hurt his feelings?”
  • “What if I run out of time?”
  • “What if…?”

And all of that fear is bound up pressure that questions a woman’s sanity. How dare you say ‘NO’?! When a man exhibits minimum potential and at least looks good publicly, then instead of being selfish with her life and heart, the woman should appreciate the offer.  When she does muster her the courage to rail against a man’s pride, potential or even promise and say “No”, she’s considered mean, unreasonable, irrational and a bitch.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT!

We want to champion the right and responsibility of a woman to say, “NO MAN!”

While most women feel as free as a bird and that they’re not missing the right, social pressure seems to say different. Women have been made to consider fears of being alone, cultural fears, fears of hurting a man’s feelings, biological fears…even fears of a male shortage.  Women have been made to consider everyone and everything else except what they want. Then when they have personal requests for security, commitment, love and provision they’re being selfish.

Ladies, listen carefully, saying “NO” is and always will be your FIRST right as a woman. You DO NOT have to entertain relationships with people that you don’t want. You don’t have to respond to advances that you don’t want.  You don’t have to give chances that you don’t want to give.  At every single step of a relationship, in every day of a relationship, in every breath you take in a relationship YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY “NO MAN!!!”

Ma’am. You have the right to Choose what’s for you.  As a grown, adult, woman you MUST exercise your choice on a consistent basis.  In fact, It’s not just a right, you are accountable. YES, you are accountable for what and who you allow and receive into your life.  You ARE NOT accountable for their behavior, but IF you know that they are NOT what you want or exhibit traits that you don’t want in your life AND YOU ALLOW THEM ANYWAY… you’re accountable for opening that door.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body”

Now the context of the scripture is a caution against sexual immorality, however there is an additional principle and truth that we want you to get from it. Here it is:  Even though your body can be indwelt by a greater Spirit, YOU ARE still the steward.  You are MANDATED to be responsible for yourself.  Accountability for yourself is not a right, it’s a command.  At the end of the day, YOU choose.

That means saying “NO MAN!!!” is OK IN GOD’s EYES!  That means it is a necessary action that you have to take as a steward of self. That means saying “NO MAN!!!” is YOUR CHOICE and no one else’s.  “NO” is not a bad word.  It’s not abominable. You’re not going to hell. You’re not stuck up.  You have every right to choose what and who you want in your life.  It’s your responsibility.

Their feelings are not your concern. Their ego or pride is not your concern. Who they will become is not your concern. You are responsible for YOU right NOW.  Your life, will become is not your concern. You are responsible for YOU right NOW.  Your life, your effort and your heart is non-negotiable. PERIOD.

Rejection hurts, so maybe say it nicer, kinder and gentler.  But by all means, SAY IT

NO MAN you’re not what I want

NO MAN we can be friends

NO MAN I don’t want a relationship with you NO MAN!!!!!